With Rev. Linda Jackson
This video features the Sunday “talk” only. Watch the full service on our Facebook page.
DESCRIPTION
By questioning our thoughts, we begin to unravel the stories we tell ourselves. This practice cultivates the self-awareness needed to break free from limiting thoughts and old patterns to experience greater freedom and inner peace. Join us this Sunday as we ask, “Who would you be without that thought?”
OVERVIEW
Rev. Linda Jackson introduces the book “A Mind At Home with Itself” by Byron Katie and Steven Mitchell, which combines Katie’s work with Buddhism and the Diamond Sutra. She explains that Katie had a sudden awakening after years of depression and realized that her suffering was rooted in her thoughts. She developed a method called “the work” which involves questioning and challenging our thoughts to find freedom and peace. Rev. Linda walks the audience through the process of doing the work, using the example of judging her neighbors for letting their baby cry. She emphasizes the importance of questioning our beliefs and seeing reality as it is, rather than how we think it should be. She encourages the audience to continue doing the work and finding freedom in their own lives.
TRANSCRIPTION
This transcription was auto-generated, please excuse typos, errors and omissions.
Rev. Linda Jackson (00:02):
All right, so once again, welcome. And this month we are working with the book A Mind At Home with Itself, and it’s by Byron Katie and Steven Mitchell. And a lot of us know Byron Katie from her work, the work as she calls it from the book, loving What Is. And she has these transformational questions that take us into an inquiry. And this book, the Mind at Home with itself is distinct from that in that it sort of lays Steven Mitchell’s work with Buddhism and the Diamond Sutra throughout Katie’s teaching. And since Reverend Rod and Rev, Amy have already gone into quite a bit of that, I’m not going to go into a lot of background, but for anyone who’s new or who didn’t hear the last couple of talks, I just want to say Byron Katie. A unique thing about Byron Katie is she’s one of those individuals who had a sudden awakening.
(01:07):
Now most of us are on the slower road to awakening little by little, but she had one of those transformative, just sudden awakenings. She had been in a deep depression for 10 years and spent a couple of years barely able to get out of bed. She was binge eating and suicidal and finally checked herself into Center for Eating Disorders because that’s who her insurance would cover. That’s what her insurance would cover. And one morning she was laying there and a cockroach crawled over her foot. And in that moment she had an awakening. She realized that all of her suffering was rooted in her thoughts and that when she believed her thoughts, she suffered. But when she questioned them, she didn’t.
(02:10):
Did I do it? The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. So she realized that her depression was not caused by something out here. It was caused by what she believed about what was going on out here. So instead of trying to change the world to align with our thoughts of how we think it should be, we can question our thoughts to meet life as it is and expand us into a more spacious experience of life. A freedom. A peace. The mind can never be controlled, it can only be questioned, loved, and met with understanding. So this awakening, this experience led her to develop this method of work that she calls the work. It’s a deep inquiry where you question your thoughts and it supports us to let go and to have an expansion to be free of suffering. And there were so many amazing nuggets in her book, and I thought just sharing all these quotes would give you a pretty good summary. I’m a lover of what is not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
(03:48):
It sounds inviting right to let go of the thoughts that hurt. I don’t know anybody else ever experience creating their own pain through their thinking. Yeah, this is an invitation. And by the way, today is unplugged Sunday. It’s my first time doing an unplugged service as well as first time with my technology. So we have our musicians a little more unplugged. And the format today is I’m going to be inviting you to do these worksheets to go through the work. So I won’t be talking at you quite as much. I did write a little bit too much copy though, so I may still be talking at you a bit. But we’re going to be exploring how to actually do the work to have the transformation. She says you can’t stop thinking the thoughts. The mind has thoughts. That’s what the mind does. But we can meet the thoughts with understanding. And when you meet your thoughts with understanding, then they can let go of you.
(04:56):
So are you willing to practice? Everybody willing to practice? Alright, so you have two worksheets, a judge your neighbor worksheet. This is the judging part, and a one belief at a time worksheet, which is a version of the four questions, the work, the turnaround. And these are going to also be dropped into the chat. They have this little saying they use with the work. Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask for questions, turn it around. And you have these two worksheets, but you don’t even need a worksheet. You can do this with paper and pen. So I’m just inviting anybody who may watch this later, if you don’t get the PDF out of the chat, you can always use paper and pen. Just follow along. So the judge, your neighbor worksheet is sort of a prelude, a helper to the work. The four questions. So the judge, your neighbor, is really just a way to get some of your judgment stirred up to remember what was triggering you and to really get clear on it. And remember, it’s not an intellectual exercise. It starts as this feeling exercise feeling triggered. And then it becomes a sort of witnessing exercise where we observe our thoughts and that leads to a heart opening and a mind expanding when we just are able to witness the thoughts and not necessarily follow them down the street and yell at the neighbor.
(06:39):
So one of the things Katie says is that people often say it’s too simple. These four questions are too simple. And I had the thought that it’s being free from drama is simple. It’s our attachment to drama that gets complex and all the ways we hold onto it and manipulate and move through it. So putting the mind on paper, this is the judge your neighbor worksheet. And in this case, the work is about a person. You can do the work about anything, but they recommend starting with this. And we’ve been taught that it’s wrong to judge, right judge, not that you be not judged, but we all have judgments running in our heads. Remember the mind. That’s what it does with this invitation, or I should say with this worksheet. The invitation is to let the judgments come out to be your unenlightened self. It’s a tendency of us folks who are doing this deeper work to want to have our spiritual personas and to not look like we don’t know and that we’ve got it.
(08:01):
And then we keep ourselves from going deeper. We keep ourselves from really having breakthroughs. So she says the most powerful place to begin is with someone you haven’t totally forgiven yet, someone you still resent. And she also suggests that you write about someone else that you don’t write about yourself. When you start judging yourself first, you keep the story going. She suggests after you do the work a while, you’ll get better at it and then be able to apply it to your own self-judgment. But typically when we’re writing about ourself early in this work, we’re keeping the story going and we keep the same solutions that haven’t been working. So I’m going to walk you through a version of my doing this work. And how’s everybody doing? I told you I was still probably going to do a lot of talking. Everybody’s good And you all have your worksheet, everybody online, okay?
(09:17):
I know Denise is taking great care of you there. So sort of be thinking about your own experience and what might come up for you. Because after I walk you through mine, then I’m going to invite you to walk through your process. Alright? So the first slide in this situation, who angers, confuses, hurts, saddens or disappoints you? And why I am blink with blank because blank, right? And I just want to preface this with saying I didn’t want to get up here and reveal anything too personal to me out of respect for my loved ones, the people I’m close to, because without their permission it wouldn’t feel right to get into a dialogue with you all about something like that. So I was sort of questioning what to do and I heard my neighbor’s baby crying again.
(10:26):
And I was like, oh, there’s something. So who knew that judge? Your neighbor would literally be about me judging my neighbor. So I fill in the blanks. I am worried and annoyed with my neighbors because they let their baby cry. Keep it that simple. Okay, question two. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? I had to put some inner work into that. I want my neighbors to be more sensitive and loving. I want them to be more aware of the impact that they’re having. I really thought that I was just doing a kind of rote example. And lemme tell you, I had some real insights here. It gets really good when you get to the four questions. Number three. In this situation, what advice would you offer them? They should, shouldn’t I need blank to do blank? They should or shouldn’t do, did I? Yeah, I guess that’s kind of the same repeated.
(11:54):
What I noticed here is that it was harder for me to do this part. I didn’t want to feel judgy toward them. I didn’t want to feel like I would be saying something to them or confronting them. Just a little, some awareness for me. So then I remember we’re supposed to stay unenlightened, so I’m like, okay, get out of that pattern of thinking. You have to be nice. And what I got to here was I need them to be more sensitive. They should take better care of their baby. They should be more loving, calming, and soothing with the baby. They shouldn’t loudly imitate the baby’s sounds. They should consider the impact it has on the baby and their neighbors.
(12:47):
I don’t know if it’s as good for you as it is for me. And then in order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think? Say, feel, or do I need my neighbors to take care of their baby in a loving and sensitive way? I need my neighbors to be respectful of others. I need my neighbors to be quiet. I need my peace and quiet. All right, I’m getting somewhere. And what do you think of them in this situation? Make a list. And she says it’s okay to be petty and judgmental. I hope you all are thinking about your own situations, right? My neighbors are loud and unaware and selfish. They are not good parents. They are not good neighbors. They may not be good people. They don’t care enough about their baby, they don’t care about me or other neighbors. And I noticed the one in me that’s wanting to go, sorry, neighbors just observing, right? We have all the things going on all the time. And number six, what is it about this person in situation that you don’t ever want to experience? Again, I don’t want to be in this awkward position. I don’t want to be worried about someone’s baby not knowing if I need to report them or ignore them. And I don’t want to deal with the unusual noises they make parroting the baby.
(14:33):
So far I wasn’t really getting any healing, right? It’s just the judginess. So we remember that that’s the point of the judge, your neighbor worksheet to kind of fuel the fire for the work. So I’m going to invite you into a process here and if you want to play a little music while we do this, because there’ll be some quiet time and the I’m going to start back with this one. Number one, it’s your turn to judge your neighbor or someone else in your life. So take a breath, do some inquiry, contemplate perhaps someone you dislike, someone you worry about, angers you, scares you, saddens you. Or maybe you’re confused. It can be past, present, future. So mentally revisit the situation and write your judgments down. She says write them the way you think them be unenlightened. So really feel what it felt like and fill in the blanks. I am fill in the blank with fill in the blank because of what they did. And I am going to be moving rather quickly through this and you can take this worksheet with you and do some more work, but I just want to make sure we get through it.
(16:52):
So question two, how do you want to change them in this situation? How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? I want so-and-So to do such and such, and Denise online, I’m hoping you’re coaching people if they are asking questions. I’m sure you are. So question oops, did I skip three? Are we on number three or are we on number four? Three. Okay, thank you. So this is where you give them advice they should or shouldn’t do whatever you think it is they need to do or not do I need them to do such and such? Take a moment with this one. And number four, in order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need? What do them to think, say, feel, or do. And Byron Katie says, pretend it’s your birthday and that you can have anything you want. That actually helped me. I thought it was goofy, but when I tried it, it helped me. In order for you to be happy, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do. And here you get to make your complaints. What do you think of them in this situation? She says, make a list. Be petty and judgmental. They are this, that and the other.
(20:08):
I’m going to give you an extra minute in case you’re extra judgy. And number six, which is the last of the judge, your neighbor worksheet. What is it about this person and situation that you don’t ever want to experience again? I don’t ever want to. It’s kind of fun letting yourself go. And you can ignore the little part at the bottom with the four questions because we’re going to do a whole worksheet for that too. Alright, so you’re finishing up those questions. I have this quote again from Byron Katie, when you do the work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. And that’s not necessarily a literal projection of like, oh, what I’m accusing you of is exactly what I do. It’s not always like that. But if you do the work, you will find that there is some belief, some fear, some old thing that is projecting outward and making me think what I’m thinking about what is happening. It really works. And eventually you see that everything out here is just a reflection of your thinking. So she gives these little tips for how to do the work, explore being open to possibilities beyond what you think you already know. These seem obvious, but when we’re trying to be our spiritual selves, sometimes it’s hard to get ourselves to admit what’s really going on in here.
(22:30):
Let the answer find you. So you’re allowing the wisdom to come up from within. You’re not trying to intellectually discover it. And she says, when the mind asks sincerely, the heart will respond. So from the judge your neighbor worksheet,
(22:56):
The instructions are to take one of your beliefs off of that judge your neighbor worksheet and put it into the four questions in the turnaround. Well obviously we don’t have time for that. I hope you will consider doing it later. We’re going to just pick one that has some charge with it. I know I found mine in the complaint section just saying, so you might want to start looking or considering that, and I’m going to just take you through what my process was on this before I walk you through your process. But get a sense of where your energy is with those questions and one that’s up for you.
(23:38):
So in the inquiry, the four questions I chose to work with the they are not good parents and they are not good neighbors. Probably could have split that into two different ones. But this is what I did. They are not good parents and they are not good neighbors. So is it true, yes or no? Well, I felt it was true when I was saying it, but I very quickly noticed my thoughts. I was doubting myself and I thought, no, I can’t know that that’s true. So I already kind of jumped to number two. I can’t really know. It’s true, right?
(24:22):
So then question three is how do you react? What happens when you believe that thought? And I really had to use the sub-questions to get me here with my belief they’re not good parents and they’re not good neighbors. I used the sub-question, what emotions arise? And I noticed I have fear that something bad might happen to their kids. I feel confused about what my responsibility is and I feel sadness that I don’t feel connected to them. That one was a little surprise, so oops, I didn’t finish. What images of past and future do you see when you believe the thought that they are not good parents and they’re not good neighbors? The images of the past, I’m afraid something. Oh, this is actually the future. I’m afraid something bad will happen and I’ll be accountable. I sort of automatically went there. I didn’t have to try to find something for the future.
(25:41):
And then this one was surprising to me when I had to actually look for something from the past or try to steal for something from the past. And this picture of my brother came up and I remembered he would get in trouble for picking on me and he was pretty rough and he’d get in trouble and then it would be worse later, it would be worse for him and it would be worse for me. And I loved him and I didn’t want him to be abused. And I was confused when he was abusive with me. And I learned it was better for me not to say anything better, for me not to speak up when that was happening. And I just sort of stayed confused. Wow, I had no idea that was coming from my baby neighbor. And the third bullet there under number three, how do you treat yourself and others when you believe the thought that they are not good parents and they’re not good neighbors? I don’t trust my judgment. I overlook things and don’t want to complain and I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. Wow, I can’t even tell you all the ways that this is making sense to me in my family with my children and the things they complain about with me, the things that I don’t do that they think I should do it. I’m like, ah,
(27:29):
I’m just saying I thought I was picking a silly example of the baby neighbor crying and I got some big stuff and then the turnaround or no, it’s not quite the turnaround yet, it’s number four. And the turnaround number four. Who or what would you be without the thought? I would be more clear about what is my responsibility. I wouldn’t be worried about the baby or the noise. I would be very clear about what is happening and I wouldn’t hesitate to mention it. Freedom and the turnaround, which I felt like I didn’t really need the turnaround at this point because I had gotten so much there. But I think we’ll all find juice in different places, right? The turnaround she suggests replacing the words I don’t ever want from, I think it’s number six on the judge your neighbor worksheet, to replace the words I don’t ever want with. I am willing to and I look forward to. And there are other ways to do the turnaround as well. This is just what she suggests here. So for my belief I use, I don’t want to be worried about their baby as the I don’t ever want. And I turn that around to I am willing to be worried about their baby.
(28:58):
I look forward to being worried about their baby. I want to be worried about their baby. I mean it’s kind of a relief that I’m not in resistance to feeling like, ugh, I don’t want to do this. Would they stop already? Alright, so this is a long quote, but a good one from Byron. Again, reality for me is what is true. The truth is whatever is in front of you, whatever is really happening, whether you like it or not, it’s raining. Now, it shouldn’t be raining is just a thought. In reality, there is no such thing as a should or a shouldn’t. These are only thoughts that we impose onto reality without the should and the shouldn’t. We can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act efficiently, clearly, and sanely. All right, are you ready to do the work? Oops, my questions got out of order. I’m not sure how. Alright, so you’ve taken a belief from your judge, your neighbor worksheet. And we’re going to take it into this first question. Is it true? Just give yourself permission to contemplate the belief. Take time, allow the answer to come up. Is it true? Yes or no? No story, yes or no. You listen for your answer, no one else’s answer. And that’s something you were taught.
(31:07):
So you have your answer, yes or no. And if yes, you’ll do question two. If no, just pause for a moment and wait for question three. So question two, can you absolutely know that it’s true? Yes or no? It may appear to be true, but you have to really inquire the truth comes before the stories that you’ve created. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Not a right or wrong answer. And question three, this is where I found things really were getting interesting, begin to see the cause and effect of our thoughts. Before the thought there was peace or at least neutrality. The fear or the anger or the sadness, the emotional reaction comes from believing the thought. So we begin to pull the thread, sort of unraveling the suffering. So number three, how do you react? What happens when you believe that? Really bring it up in your mind. And I’ll read the sub questions. What emotions arise when you believe that thought? What images of past and future do you see when you believe that thought? And how do you treat yourself and others when you believe the thought? And number four, who would you be without the thought? She gave another suggestion that I found helpful. She said, imagine you are with the person that you wrote about when they are doing the thing that you think they shouldn’t be doing. And imagine who would you be if you could not have that thought? How would your life be different? The situation be different without the thought
(34:53):
And the turnaround? She suggests looking back at number six on the judge your neighbor sheet and replace the words I don’t ever want with. I am willing to and I look forward to. And I am going to make an invitation to do a brief, like one minute share. I want you to connect with somebody and the people online, just if you’re willing to put it into the chat, just share a little insight or what the turnaround was or any new awareness that you have. Just find someone to connect with and speak that into the room. It gives it more power. Sometimes when we hear ourselves say it, we only have one minute folks. Clock is ticking for the folks in the room. Make sure your second person is taking their turn because we’re going to be complete here in about 15 seconds.
(37:23):
All right? I invite you to be complete for now and to really consider taking the rest of those beliefs and statements into the inquiry. When we do this inquiry, we can realize that things are actually as they should be right now. Whether I’m for it or against it, it’s just my resistance to what is. And it’s important to know that for a lot of us, living without our story is hard to imagine. But without our story, we are free, peaceful in a natural state. So the final slide before I close enlightenment at its simplest means a more lighthearted way of experiencing the apparent world. This is from the reading that Judy shared earlier. When you question that thought and see that it’s not true, you’re enlightened to it, you are liberated from it. And to me, that was the real power in this exercise. When I realized the thought was what was causing my suffering, I’m suddenly free from the suffering.
(38:57):
So I do encourage you to take those worksheets, go to the work.com. There are many other resources there. You can have access to these worksheets on your own and really do the inquiry and set yourself free. I invite you to turn within as I close. So just taking the moment, gathering our energy and our thoughts from all the places we’ve been in this inquiry and bringing ourselves present, turning within to recognize the infinite space of pure potential that is accessible to me right here within recognizing that I am one with the divine. I am one with this pure potential, this generative creative nature. The freedom, the harmony, the love. This is the truth of who I am. I am one with the divine and I am all that the divine is. I am the inlet and outlet for its expression. And since we are all individual expressions of the divine, each of us is an individual expression, an inlet and an outlet for that freedom, for that harmony, for that love, the peace, all that God is all that the divine is.
(40:31):
So I just affirm that as we do the work and all the other models and modalities and practices that we use, that we are opening our hearts and our minds to a deeper awareness of this truth, to a deeper understanding that we have the access to freedom and possibility and love right within us. That it is our nature. And I affirm as we do the work that we deepen in this and we expand in this and that we are living the freedom, the love, the harmony, the joy. It is not just an intellectual concept. We are walking in it. Our lives reflect it. We are free, we are at peace, we are at harmony. And I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the fulfillment of this prayer. I’m grateful for the teaching. I’m grateful for all of the hearts that say yes to transforming their individual experience in service to the collective experience. And I’m grateful for the good that unfolds. I release it into the law knowing it is so I let it be so. And together we say. And so thank you.
Paige Kizer (41:50):
Thank you Rev. Linda.