OVERVIEW
The world’s current paradigm for intimate relationships is severely broken. The divorce rate in America is quickly moving past 50%, and still many more people stay in relationships silently suffering in regret, guilt, and obligation. It doesn’t have to be this way! One of the primary, healing ideas in A Course in Miracles focuses on how to move from “special relationships”, which are based in fear, control, and the ego’s game of seeking but never finding love to “Holy Relationships”, which are anchored in forgiveness, generosity, care, and spiritual connection. You can have deeply fulfilling, God-inspired relationships. You really can. Rev Mark is excited to show you how.
TRANSCRIPTION
My voice. That was awesome. Hi everybody. It is a joy to be here, truly. Thank you. Thank, thank you, Amy, and, and everyone for having me back. I appreciate it. And I’m so in love with this conversation. So I’m excited to be here, uh, to talk about of course, miracles because it has over the last, I don’t know anymore, like how do you think backwards when you do the course? You actually, it does get harder. I’m not kidding. Um, like five, six years I really became my primary focus, but it had had been in my life for decades and I’d always been studying it and quoting it and dancing around it. In fact, some of us from the, uh, Chicago Unity days, Sarah Mato, who I just love so much, remember, she would preach from the course and she was so dry and so witty and <laugh>, I just loved her.
So back in the nineties, early nineties, I, I really was, and I was, I remember thinking, this is my book, but I wasn’t ready to read it. It, it’s challenging to read in the beginning because it’s written in, in, you know, traditional Christian language. It uses Salvation Atonement, it refers to God as he how horrible in our times. It just, it’s very, it it, but what’s beautiful about it, and it also, by the way, I don’t know if you know this, but I don’t know how far in, but it pretty quickly transitions into where it is written and what it I amik panter, which is what Shakespeare wrote in. It’s a rhythm that actually contains within it a magical energy. When you read it in that rhythm, it comes alive. And that’s really what occurred for me. It really started, uh, coming alive in my soul.
And, and I, I have a vision of my old age just sitting, rocking on my porch, reading the course of mirror and it goes to the Holy Spirit. Now you have a divided mind. Now you have a mind that is against itself, which is inherently impossible to sustain. How could you possibly sustain a war inside of your own mind? You do, you do, but your best sustenance choice is to project the war out onto the world. If it’s out there, then I can manage it. So that’s what happens in the dream of the split mind, which you cannot make peace with. And so the ego who wants to maintain his existence goes, well, I’ll, I’ll help you. Let’s throw all the warring out into the external world and make it appear like it’s other people, places and things. And this is the great seduction that it’s out there.
Oh, those horrible things. This is, I’m, I’m, I’m a little concerned for myself, truth be told, because I’ve been a spiritual teacher for 20 years, which I’m just so grateful for. But I am so tired of people trying to convince me and and be so upset that the world out there is so real. Oh, but what about this over there? And what about these horrible atrocities? And what about that and what about that? And when I go, well, if you wanna heal that, heal your mind, and then they leave <laugh> and it’s just, it’s weight. Believe me, I get seduced too. I’ve gotta watch myself. It’s very interesting to have conversations about out there and what’s happening out there. And the ego gets a little bit of a hit out of it. But the split, and this is what the course is all about, it will talk about the split nonstop from the first page to the last, always in the flow and the vibration of oneness.
What, how, how is that possible with never compromising the truth of oneness? It has the ability to explain to you the problem and the solution. And it says the problem is not real. The only thing real is the solution. Therefore, that doesn’t even exist. And it never leaves that premise. You can kick and scream. You can argue it will not be codependent with you. It maintains the truth. But that’s what’s really cool as it stands strong here, you wobble like this and then eventually you begin to relax and you find your way. So the way that the ego, which is just a thought by the way, these are just thoughts in the mind. What happens in the mind? What does the mind hold? Just thoughts and beliefs. That’s it. So in the mind, the split mind, there’s the thought of separation. And then there’s the thought of union.
The course says that that’s actually a ti this is a tiny mad idea. Have you heard that before? That it said there was a tiny mad idea and it said something like, what if I could create separate from God? And then it says, and then you forgot to laugh. Isn’t that fantastic? Had you laughed at that idea, you wouldn’t be in this problem, but because you forgot to laugh, you made it real. And it is your attention. You made the ego. I i I can’t tell you when and and how, but I’m teaching straight up course here, which I’m so happy about. You made the ego and you make other people’s egos. You’re brilliant. The ego disguises its design just enough so that it looks like God’s world. It’s got just enough love in it. So you go, ah, but it’s unstable because what happens tomorrow?
Then it’s gone and then it brings you down and it goes, oh yeah, this is really dark. But then if it gets too dark and it knows you’re gonna call BS on it, it pops you to the other side. It maintains its existence by doing what God does in a shadow effect. For example, this is called an illusion shadow. This is reality. Um, one another line from the course is God is not a symbol. God is fact. Isn’t that awesome? If you take nothing out, God is fact. That’s and. And if it’s fact, then disagree or don’t disagree, who cares? <laugh>, who cares? It’s a fact. This the core says projects. This extends by the way, oh, let me back up if they’re gonna miss something. So the tiny mad idea, the moment you had the mad idea, what if I could create something from God?
That very moment the solution was created and the course calls that the Holy Spirit. So the moment a problem appeared, the solution appeared simultaneously, which means what? There really isn’t a problem. It just depends on now where are you focusing, right? So this projects its world, its division, its fears outward onto other people. This makes you seek externally for validation, for attention, for love, for power, for security. This keeps projecting all of your power and presence outward into the world, making everyone try to seek. But here’s the ego’s game, seek but never find. That’s literally what happens. And we’ve all been there. We’ve had at least some manifestation in our life. Where on the other side we go, me. Is that it? Is that it? Because it will never, it will seduce us, it will pull us, but it will never fulfill us. And so the course basically says, when you’re tired of that, there is another way.
Now the science of mind teaches the other way, but the science of mind doesn’t give us enough understanding of that. This is an illusion. And this is real. And I hate to throw it under the bus y’all, but I won’t apologize. Most new thought teachings are still trying to make both coexisting God. And that’s why people go, what about war? What about this? What about this? If you’re going to try mo both, you go, this is all God, then you’re screwed because you are now trying to make something rectified, which can never be rectified. And the smart child in you in second grade in catechism who spoke up and said, what about the people who never learned about like you had a mind smart enough at seven to know that something doesn’t make sense here? And yet great teachers and great philosophies keep trying to make sense out of the senseless.
And this is where the course kicks your ass, cuz it says, the only way you’ll make sense is if you see this as a dream, as not real as a lie. Now it’s real because you’re giving your life force to it. But once you turn your life force flowing in this direction, this dissolves cuz they’re just thoughts. They come from thoughts. The energy of this is fear. The energy of this is love. This one is grandiose, this one is grandeur. This one is special relationships. This one is holy relationships, this one is destructive and tells you it’s about death. This tells you about life eternal. But this disguises itself enough. Now this is, you want the next hardest challenge or should I save you from it?
<laugh>. All right? But don’t blame me. Here’s where it gets real tough. The reason the body is here is only because of the ego. And this is, and this is another hard part because a lot of spirituality likes to make all of it God. And the cross goes, are you kidding me? Look at the world for one minute. You think God would create that? Will you give it half a half a look, the body, the form comes from the ego, which makes it appear real. And separation is its game. And how more proof do you, how much more proof do you need in separation that the body is separate from the other body? This whole dualistic world is created from the ego. And that just freaks people out. And it’s fine. You guys don’t feel bad about any of this. That’s just the game we identify as bodies.
And when we identify as a a, and when we identify as bodies, we can be hurt. We’re vulnerable. We’ve gotta protect ourselves. We’ve gotta put up fences, we’ve gotta put up higher fences, we’ve gotta put up walls, we’ve gotta put up, we’ve gotta get machines, machine guns and things to keep us safe. Look at the insanity. How high do the walls need to be? And how much weaponry do we need until we’re safe? It’s a joke, laugh, just exhale. A laugh. Even <laugh>. Yeah, that, that’ll help, that’ll help <laugh>. All right, so let’s move now into the conversation for today, which is the contrast of special and holy relationships. Because this is an important conversation and it is a primary component of a course of miracles. The focus really is how do we move from special love to holy love from fear-based love to holy love?
And this is what I think is the call on the planet today. I really believe that this romantic you had me at, hello. Everyone knows that movie. Thank you Jerry McGuire for ruining us all. Although it happened long before that. But this whole idea of that, uh, infatuation romance stage, it does serve a purpose. It it, it activates a, a high vibration of your own joy, your own aliveness, your own orgasmic energy, which is so beautiful. But what does the ego do with it? What does the ego do? I just told you, projects. Projects, right? So the ego goes, oh, that’s over there. You are the reason that all of this is being here. It’s just, it must be you. You must be the only one. Do you remember your first love? I remember my first love in college. I seriously thought no one on the planet had ever felt that we were so blessed until we were screwed <laugh>.
And we didn’t know how to navigate that. There’s nothing wrong with that movement, by the way. That’s a good movement when the, when the illusion of infatuation and romance begins to fade and it starts to show you its underbelly. This is where the opportunity for relationship becomes. You can make this holy now because if you are in the dream of the joyous romantic infatuation part, and I’m always like, y’all extend that dream as long as you can. But when it does start to wane, which it will, what do we do? Then? We have bopped around some of us a number of times trying to find the next person, only a couple months into the next one to go, oh, damnit <laugh>. So this is where the course is like, no matter how painful the relationship can be, that person is your savior. This is one of the other components about the course. Very patriarchal. And it’s writing calls it your brother. It doesn’t say your brother and sister, it just says brother, but it just, it doesn’t matter. It says your brother is your way home. The other person who you just projected and made special. Making special means I love you more than everybody else. Oh yeah, I love them, but I love you.
Yeah, they’re all good. But if the boat’s sinking, I’m saving you <laugh>. I mean, that’s, that’s why it’s special. You have taken oneness. I may have told this story here, but it’s so good. When years ago I was with Byron Katie. Y’all know Byron Katie. I talk about her every time I’m here. I was, it was like, I don’t know God. 29, 2009, 2007. And I was at her place in Ojai for three days. It was a small group, like 10 or 12 of us with Byron and Katie. And we, she was just talking and she had just married her husband, I think a year or two previously. And she was telling the story about how we asked her to marry him. And so what she did was she went and asked her children and her ex-husbands and her friends, is there any reason why I shouldn’t marry him?
And then every one of ’em said, no, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t. So she went back and she said, yes, I’ll marry you. And I literally chimed in. I was like, Katie, if I asked you to marry me, I would want you to marry me because you love me. And she went, that was the weirdest thing she’d ever heard. She’s like, how do you choose from what is now, I didn’t get that at all. <laugh>. I did not understand what she’s meant. It took me a while to go, oh, if all is love and that’s the common denominator, then you no longer choose from there. If love is, what is it? Bec it comes off the table. Does that make sense to you? Are you tracking If everyone’s love and love is all you are? And that’s all that’s happening. What, what now your choosing becomes because we’re compatible because I like you, because we, there’s a thousand reasons you can choose, but don’t delude yourself into a different one.
God bless. I love the person who’s like, I’m choosing you cuz you’re my sugar daddy and I want you to pay for me. That’s awesome <laugh>. That is a valid way to do relationship. And it’s honest and there’s no pretending. And if the other person goes, I’ll play, God bless you, have a blast. But we hide all of this prostitution, not acceptable. So we hide it and, and we’ve got all these things inside a special relationship that we’re doing. But pretending, pretending and pretending is where it starts to become broken. And suddenly the person who is supposed to save you from all of your pain and suffering becomes the object of your pain and suffering because they’re meant to be. This story doesn’t end your savior because you created separation, because you created the other in your dream because you’re the dreamer. Don’t ask me when.
That’s not a powerful question. The truth is you are dreaming yourself separate. That’s enough information. And because you dream yourself separate, you created a body and now you dreamed yourself other separate beings. So how do you return home? You backtrack through the dream. And so the person that you believe is separate from you and that you hate becomes the very place where love is revealed. The course says, I love this quote. It’s gonna take me a minute to find it. Here it is. The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a love. The holiest place on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. Now ancient hatred doesn’t mean specifically you knew this person for a long time. An ancient hatred is the ancient hatred. That is that we all are susceptible under the ancient hatred that is within us.
When that rises up and becomes healed, this is where holy love, and this is what you want, you want holy love, but all of this has to die. Well, that’s not the right way to say it. Die is too intensive of a word. It has to dissolve, has to disappear and it will. But you’ve gotta know how to do it. And this is what I don’t have another teaching that showed us how to do it as well as the course because the course says you can’t change this. And that’s when most of the western world goes, huh? And they walk out of the room cuz we’re an arrogant people. We the western world who we are cynical <laugh>. And we will, we are strong, we’ll control and all these things. This is where I think you 12 stepper are quite blessed cuz 12 steppers have tasted the dirt and they know I can’t, God can.
That’s a sacred, sacred ground. You don’t need to become an addict. But hey, if at a fast track you go for it, <laugh>, go find something yummy and let it take over you <laugh>. Or you could just look at it all and make a decision where you are now and let it begin dissolving. But I of myself cannot do this. Jesus said, it’s not me, it’s God in me. That doesn’t work. The Holy Spirit is what was given the moment the lie was created. The Holy Spirit is what does the heavy lifting. But we must learn to build a relationship with it in a way that we were not taught. This indepe fierce independent world is never going to get us to the soft surrender that is required for us to let go and let God and the Holy Spirit will take care of everything if you will let the Holy Spirit do it. The real reality is, I have no sense of time. Do we care? <laugh>, okay, where was I?
The Holy Spirit will take care of it. Ah, shoot. There’s something really good. There’s something really good. Um, oh, I know. Um, because you’re dreaming yourself separate. There must be a a, a dreamer of you that isn’t right. You must be sleeping somewhere. I mean, when a child is, when you’re dreaming, where are you? You’re lying in bed. But where are you in your dream? Got anywhere you wanna be? You’re like halfway around the world or you’re on on other planets. I mean, you’re dreaming all the while the body’s lying, they’re in the bed. This is the perfect analogy because this dream, while you are dreaming this, there is your real self, if you will, capital S that is abiding in heaven. And it’s there and it’s fine and it’s all good. But if your, if your attention is here in the separated world, your soul is not with you and you’ve got a lie, you’ve gotta a lie.
The Holy Spirit is the line that’s really hard to understand. But we can’t not go all the way here today. Your soul remains in heaven and you will unite with your soul and oneness. You can have that in the dream. That’s what you’re here for. When you give it to the Holy Spirit, you will become a miracle worker. You’ll become the one who reclaims your soul walking in the dream. That’s kind of a cool option if you’re gonna be here. About three. Well, 20, 20 19 I was at a place called Arrhythmia in Costa Rica. And it is a place where you do ayahuasca. And uh, they brought in these amazing shamans from Peru. And it was four nights in a row of ayahuasca, which is intense if you’ve ever done that. I mean, it kicked my butt. But it was beautiful and spiritual and amazing. One of the nights I had a very, very profound journey where to shrink the story a little bit, there was this point where I was sexually abused as a child.
And that which I appeared to be healed in my experience, had a deeper healing available to it on the ayahuasca. And so in the journey, I was taken to this goddess who was sitting on this beautiful throne in this cave. And, and the little boy that was so abused, he was kind of there between me and the goddess. And the little boy just started melting and disappearing into the ground. And it freaked me out. I was like, oh man, what, why, what is going on? And then swear to God, now I understand it’s ayahuasca, but if you’ve done it, it’s real man coming from behind. The goddess is this golden boy of light who is me and it’s my soul. And she says, do you think I would let anyone hurt you? Do you think I would let anything happen to you? The moment you separated, I’ve maintained the care for your soul.
And then this beautiful golden light just came right into me and emerged. That’s healing people. That’s the amazing. And then I was shown after that billions of people walking the planets soulless, they’re souls are in heaven. They’re just patterns. Patterns. That’s what my mama said. This is what my daddy said. This is where I’m supposed to be. I’m a boy. I do this. I’m a girl. So I do that. I have this much money. So this is acceptable Patterns and patterns and patterns. Where’s the person, where’s the soul inside of all of these patterns? It’s, it’s, it, it must be looked at because all of it can be healed. But the course says it’s the Holy Spirit that does it. You must learn to rely upon this higher power to do it, to do the forgiveness, to to, to give you the miracles, to move you from here to here.
That’s the journey of the course for this to eventually dissolve. And for you to be here, the course doesn’t get you out of the dream. The course takes you to the peace of mind. And it that, that’s as far that course literally says that this is where we’re going. You’re going to bring you to peace. And then from there you will become a miracle worker. And you will, while in the dream, be awakened and you’ll become the one that extends this peace. And you will not be projecting and you won’t be trying to get, you’ll be extending and you’ll still have preferences. You’ll love everyone the same, but you still get that hot ass right next to you in bed that, that you can play with and have fun with. Like you get your preferences, <laugh>, it’s totally cool. You still have your family. You still have those agreements that you have, but you also are one with all special.
The movement from special to holy relationship is the bridge. And so what I say to you, join me this afternoon, if you wanna really take a deeper dive into this, I promise you it’ll be powerful. But most importantly, please know this, make, if I were to say make a decision, decide that you’re not dec, you’re not declaring who comes and goes anymore, don’t do that. It’s not your job. There’s this prayer by Tasha Silvers the um, it’s not my money anyway, did you guys do that one? Isn’t it good? Yeah, it’s a really good book. And one of the prayers she’s got distinguished, she goes, let that which is to come, come let that which is to go, go. Isn’t that good? That’s how we move when you become a spiritual person. And the um, I you can come up the um, Byron Katie, I love this.
Someone was asking her about, um, enlightenment. How do you know when you’re awake? How do you know when you’re there? And this is the story she told I love, I wish it were mine. Um, she goes, well here’s a good, good analogy. Good way to think about it. You’re sitting on the curb and you’re watching your house burn down. Now the unawakened person is going, oh my stuff. Oh my God, where am I gonna live? What am I gonna do? Oh my God, this is horrible. The awakened person sitting, sitting on the curb goes, look at that fire. That is gorgeous. Have you ever seen fire burn like that? That’s the difference. That really is the difference. It sounds crazy, but this is who you are. And when you know it’s who you are, trust me, you’d much rather enjoy the fire than cry over what isn’t even real. Right? Let’s take that into prayer. Take a breath, breathe deep. Just keep breathing. Open your hands. This is where you really are. Breathe into that.
And it is in this moment that we place our attention upon the Holy Spirit, the whole energy of light. This is what I am. This is all I am. This is what I am forever being. And as I embrace and affirm and know this truth of what I am, all that I am becomes available to me. God created you in the image and likeness of itself. And God held nothing back. God gave you all the power. God gave you all the peace. God gave you all the strength and the innocence and the joy and the creativity. But in order to access that, you must be that. And nothing else. And nothing else. So in this moment, in this moment, in the altar of the holy temple, in your heart, go to that altar and place on that altar. Everything that you think you are, all that you have invested in, in this world of form, place it on the altar. Now take a breath.
I am not mistakes that I have
Made. Well, you are not
Any of the pain that I have caused. I am not the pieces of the dream.
Yes. Sing along.
I am.
Sing it out. Come on, sing.
Am I am.
Burn it in your gut. Get it moving.
I am, I am.
Stand up moving swaying.
I am.
Give yourself to this light. Stop holding back. Lift your arms up just a little bit. Open up. Come on. Couple more. Do it. Go, go further. One more. Go.
Hands
On your heart. Just whisper it. Sing it.
Thank you Holy Spirit. Thank you Holy Spirit, for the revelation of the light that we are, for even a glimpse of it, for letting it lift us and extend us and move us beyond our contractions. Holy Spirit, I ask for myself in this beloved community that you do all the heavy lifting. Let all otherness be forgiven. Let all thou which undergirding the guilt and the fear and the shame, holy Spirit dissolve it. We can’t, we can’t figure that out. And Holy Spirit take all that we have place down the altar, all that we think we are, that we’ve invested in, that is in our way. We give it to you. Take a breath. This is done. And so it is.
Amen.