With Rev. Darrell Jones
This video features the Sunday “talk” only. Watch the full service on our Facebook page.
DESCRIPTION
When was the last time you allowed your past, present, and possible future to converge and reside within you? Far too often, we pursue a singular goal to enhance our lives, yet we are not a single goal or accomplishment. We are intricate beings, composed of countless parts. Imagine the possibilities if you wholeheartedly embraced the principle of synergy – the belief that the combination of every aspect of yourself transcends any individual component, whether it be past, present, or future. Join us this Sunday as we explore “how” to live a life of synergy.
SUMMARY
Rev. Darrell begins by emphasizing the importance of allyship and the need for individuals to be recognized as allies by the communities they support. He introduces the work of Byron Katie and her book “A Mind at Home with Itself,” which explores the idea of finding peace within oneself. Jones highlights the challenges of controlling the mind and suggests that instead of trying to quiet the mind, individuals should focus on being present and accepting their thoughts. Living a life of synergy involves integrating the past, present, and future, and embracing all aspects of oneself. Jones shares about forgiveness and its role in achieving synergy and concludes by leading a forgiveness practice, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness in accepting and integrating all parts of oneself.
TRANSCRIPTION
This transcription was auto-generated, please excuse typos, errors and omissions.
Rev. Darrell Jones (00:14):
Good morning, good day, good afternoon, good year, good life. How’s everyone doing? Good. My name is Reverend Darrell Jones. My pronouns are he, him. They and I am using they in particular this morning to show my connection to the non-binary transgender community. One of the beautiful takeaways, I’m sure that Reverend Linda and Amy have spoken and anyone else that may have attended our international spiritual convention. So if you didn’t know, centers for Spiritual Living is a part of a larger organization that is primarily based in the US and in Canada, but we have international centers around the world, and we had our kind of big business meeting in February, and one of my takeaways was this, in this world where we’re trying to work together in a greater way where we’re trying to live synergistically, which I’ll get into in a minute, there’s this word called allyship that a lot of people profess that they are allies. And I was humbled to learn that I cannot call myself an ally. I cannot self-identify an ally to a group unless they say, I am the ally. Think about that for a minute. How righteous is that to say, oh, I’m an ally to those people and none of them have ever said Yes, come on over here. So I say my pronouns are he him. They not to say and declare that I am an ally, but to let that community know that they have a friend and a safe place in me. Good morning.
(01:56):
I am excited. I love the work of Byron Katie. If you are not familiar and you haven’t been a part of the past few weeks of talks, then I highly suggest you do some review. And if you’ve never touched upon Byron Katie’s work before and this thing called the Work her Pivotal initial book, loving What is, it’s a really powerful, powerful thing to get into the book. That was the feature this month though was called A Mind at Home with Itself. Now, we could just sit in that for a minute. A mind at home with itself. When was the last time you were at home? Think about that. Home you were really chilling shoes off, comfortable inside your own head, a mind at home with itself by Byron Katie. Oh yes, party people online. What’s up? How you doing? Not an opportunity to multitask right now. I know we say we welcome social media and we do because you’re on it. But let go of all the other chats for a moment and let your heart just be present to hear today’s message. The quote that was pulled from the book to focus all of us that were speaking this month was the mind can never be controlled. It can only be questioned, loved, and met with understanding.
(03:20):
How many of you out there are trying to control your mind? I’m going to put my hand up with you, right? It’s one of the things that I always face teaching mindfulness and meditation in the corporate spaces. We use this language. I’m trying to quiet my mind. I have not quieted my mind ever. It’s not designed to be quiet. It yaps on and it has opinions and it tells you things whether you believe them or not. So to hear these words from Byron Katie that the mind can never be controlled, breathe into that for a minute. It can only be questioned, loved, and met with understanding. So again, the focusing description for the month that Reverend Amy and team brought forward was, do you ever notice that your thoughts are causing you suffering? Have you ever felt like your mind has been hijacked? Maybe not your mind, but maybe your emotional space and it went on to say, join us this month as we explore how to calm your mind and bring you back to a state of inner peace. I’m going to amend that because those words are setting us up for failure. In my mind. If this statement is true from Byron and Katie that the mind can’t be controlled, then how can we explore calming the mind? What we can do is how to be with our minds. We can explore how to be with our minds, be with our minds as they are, and in being with the mind as it is. Discover what peace we can embrace regardless of what the mind is thinking.
(05:07):
I’m going to need you to be on the edge of your chair today. This is going to be some stuff that your mind’s going to just fight with. So the talk title that I brought forward was Living a Life of Synergy, and the description that I wrote was, when was the last time you allowed your past, your present, and your possible future to converge and truly reside within you? When was the last time you really welcomed everything, not some of the stuff that you like, everything from your past? When was the last time you led everything from your present, including the stuff that you don’t like or maybe you don’t understand? And the uncertainty of the future to all kind of swim in this beautiful pool called your life right now, far too often I think we pursue a single goal to enhance our lives, and there’s nothing wrong in that.
(06:05):
But the thing is, the truth is is that we are not a single goal. We’re not a single accomplishment. We are intricate beings composed of countless parts. We are intricate beings. We are complex people. We’re not just one goal. We’re not just one success. We’re not just one identifier. We are hundreds upon hundreds. Imagine the possibilities, if you will, if you wholeheartedly embraced all of who you are in the principle of synergy. And the principle of synergy is this belief that the combination of every aspect of you transcends any individual component, whether it be your past, whether it be your present or your unknown future. So today we will explore how, and this is not a word that we use very often in religious science and science of mind, and this new thought thinking, we say, you got to let go of the how and just be, I’m going to give you a how today on the edge of your seat party people, how to live a life of synergy or how to be with our minds and discover peace in the midst of whatever we’re thinking.
(07:28):
I’m going to come back to the reading and I apologize, John, if it tripped you up a little bit. So this is something that I do. I don’t always announce it. Oftentimes when we have a focus reading of the month, I don’t just take a paragraph or two or three sentences that were written by the offer. I just get creative and make up my own reading from bits and pieces of their book. So this is a puzzled piece of the book. It’s still from the same source, but it’s not in the order that Byron and Katie wrote it all. So I’ll read it again so you can digest it. The basic realization that other people can’t possibly be your problem, that it’s your thoughts about them that are the problem. This realization is huge.
(08:16):
Oftentimes we see ourselves as a victim to what other people are or aren’t doing. And yes, victimization is a real thing, but just hold on a minute and check in with your mind the basic realization that other people aren’t really the problem. It’s your thoughts about them that are the problem. That’s where the suffering dwells. And then to flip it on the other side, it’s not that people like or don’t like you, it’s their stories of you that they like or don’t like. That can be freeing too. How often do we beat ourselves up? Because someone doesn’t like us.
(09:04):
It’s their story about who you are that they don’t like. It’s not you. We’re just doing the best that we can, being the people that we are, and we all walk around telling stories to one another. So Byron and Katie goes on to say, I discovered that when I believed my thoughts I suffered. Does it mean all of her thoughts? No, but when she didn’t believe them, she didn’t experience suffering. And so she says, freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. Now I’m here to tell you it’s not that simple.
(09:41):
This is one of the fundamental challenges and the edges of growth that I find in this new thought teaching is that intellectual understanding does not give you liberation from the habit of your living. Let me say that again. Intellect does not free you from the way that you live in and of itself. Amen. Do you feel that? How many times have you said, okay, tomorrow when I get up, I’m not going to eat that. And then you get up and you eat that. Or if you’re in any of the recovery programs, you say, I’m not going to do this anymore, and you find yourself doing that thing again. Is it because you don’t get it? No. It’s because we are creatures of habit and we have been spending our entire lives becoming the person that we are right now, regardless of our opinion of it.
(10:38):
So intellectual understanding is important, but to live a life of synergy, we have to be in practice of doing something to shift the habits and the behaviors that have been creating the life that we’re currently experiencing. Yes, you feel me? Okay. So it isn’t simple because we don’t live on a mountaintop where we’re not connected to anyone else. We live in communities big and small, and regardless of the size of the community that we are in, what this living a life of synergy requires is the practice of not only care for ourselves, which again, I think is a growing edge in this movement. It’s a very personal practice, right? What’s in your consciousness? What are you thinking? But we need to shift not only in caring for ourselves, but also caring for the other. Living a synergistic life in community requires not only focus on intention, which is a very powerful thing to hold, but also a willingness to consider the impact of our living on others around us.
(11:51):
Have you ever hurt someone’s feeling anyone and you have said, well, I didn’t intend to hurt you. Has that ever happened? Maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of it. Someone said, well, I didn’t intend to hurt you. Well, too bad you hurt me. This is what I’m talking about. We have to not only be mindful of our intentions to live synergistically of what’s going on here, but we’re walking around bumping into people all the time. So we must realize that there is an impact regardless of our intent. It doesn’t mean that we walk around on eggshells and just don’t do anything in the world, but we need to have that back and forth thinking not just here, but also out there.
(12:42):
Most of us are not living a life of synergy, and I will put my hand up. I’m not here to try to be some highfalutin person that says I’m greater than anything. No, I’m here on the ground. I got big feet walking, making all sorts of plants on the ground. If we aren’t living a life of synergy, then what are we living a life of? I’m going to pick an extreme word, but I hope it’ll illustrate. We’re living a life of war. Most of us aren’t living a life of synergy. We are living a life of war.
(13:19):
Let me come back to this definition of synergy, the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects or their separate parts. Now, it doesn’t say it directly in here, but I want to say what’s implied is that there’s a greater thing than the separate parts, but the separate parts aren’t forgotten. The separate parts aren’t denied. Synergy is where two or more things come together to work towards a greater thing, and everyone gets to live in that greater thing as they are that synergy. But most of us are living a life of war, whether it’s on a global scale or sitting next to the person that you’re in this room with right now, or the coworker or the colleague. We are vying for power.
(14:22):
We think we got to get something where two or more people come together. There’s a lot of stuff that we have to do in order for synergy to happen. One of those things is to relinquish control and power, and most people don’t want to do that. So if we’re not willing to relinquish some of that, we aren’t living a life of synergy. We are at war for power. I told you, sit up straight. Okay, here’s the thing. Synergy is kind of this beautiful idea. It’s a process. It’s where two or more things come together towards a greater thing, but it’s not, again, an intellectual understanding. It’s like I think most people get the idea of synergy, but there’s all kinds of stuff that have to happen before synergy is realized. And I apologize. This is one of my edges of growth as a speaker, getting my act together so that I have slides available.
(15:18):
So to all the visual learners, I apologize that you don’t have anything in front of you, but on my paper I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 words with arrows pointing towards the other. And this is the process I believe that leads us up to living a life of synergy. The first is integration. So for living a life of synergy, there’s integration that has required integration of the past, the present and the future. All of the stuff has to converge. We’re not here to forget anything and to push something down, we’ve got to integrate it all. We’ve got to bring it all in. And in order to do that, we have to, the word before that comes before integration is practice acceptance. We must accept what is. This is where we start getting into the Byer and Katie work loving what is going through the questions. Before we can fully accept anything, we have to go through a process of reconciliation.
(16:18):
Oh dang, vision I had for my life today is not what it is. You got to reconcile that before you can accept it and then integrate it and then step into a life of synergy. But before you even get to a point of reconciliation, you’ve got to come to some understanding. You have to understand what is, and maybe part of the understanding is that you don’t understand what is Take that one in. Understanding is not about having right or correct assimilation. Understanding is realizing that you know what you know and you know what you don’t know. So when you have that understanding, then you can reconcile it. And as you reconcile it, you step into acceptance. And when you truly accept it, then you start to integrate that, and then you step into synergy. But the thing that starts this whole wheel of living, a life of synergy is awareness.
(17:22):
If you aren’t aware of what you know and what you don’t know, if you aren’t aware that your intentions and your actions are impacting people, then how can we live a synergistic life? So first we start with awareness. We move into understanding, step into reconciliation. We accept things, then we can integrate it, and then we move into the room of synergy. But this is not a perfect linear. It’s more of a spiral. And you can wake up one morning in the space of acceptance, and then something happens called the habits of our body and of our minds and of the way we live. And we may find ourselves waking up the next day out of awareness once again, and we have to start the process over.
(18:09):
This is why this idea of the turnaround in the work of Byron Katie is so powerful. It is not linear. If you don’t know, there’s these four questions you ask yourself in terms of a thought that you’re having about yourself or about another. Is it true? So this person is annoying. Is it true? They’re driving me crazy. They make me want to drink. Is it true? Well, yeah, that’s your experience, but is it that person that is driving you crazy or is it your thought about them? So can you be absolutely true that this person is causing all of the crazy in your world?
(18:51):
Who would you be without or who are you? How do you react to life? When you have that thought, when you wake up and you’re like, oh man, that person drives me crazy. My life’s going to be crazy. Who are you when you believe that thought? What is your life like? It’s crazy. Who’s having the thought though? You are. So then who would you be without that thought? What if you woke up and you just let that person be whatever crazy they are, whatever judgment you have on them, but you’re just like, they’re over here. I’m going to try doing some of my own thing over here today. Who would you be without that thought that I wake up and that person drives me crazy every day.
(19:35):
So at the convention, it’s a time of business for the organization. At the spiritual conference, it’s a time of learning. So they have workshops and there’s from laity members to practitioners to ministers. There’s so many people. There were hundreds of people there. But one of my favorite aspects of it is that being a national, international organization is that there’s tons of colleagues that live around the world in the country. I only get to see once or twice a year. So you go through, you start at eight o’clock in the morning with meditations, and then just like meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, lunch, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, dinner, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting. And then you stay up and you get social. And so that’s one of my favorite times is when you get a little silly, you clown a little bit, but it’s still these deep conversations.
(20:19):
So one night we were up and there might’ve been a couple of drinks involved, and one of the people that was in the circles having conversation with this phrase popped up, slow down gym shoes. We got some other beep to do. Slow down gym shoes. We got some other stuff to do. The reason I bring that forward is I want to tell you all to slow down because synergy is not fast. We want to get it. This is where the intellectual linear mind gets in our way. We want to understand something. Slow down. Gym shoes. We got some other stuff to do. It’s called getting aware. It’s called understanding. It’s called reconciliation. It’s called acceptance and integration. Then we can step into synergy. So slow down, but the mind it will want to rush and get somewhere and get it right, man. I got four minutes left.
(21:18):
Okay. Earnest Holmes once said, there’s a union and this union does not mean sameness for while. Unity requires conformity to principles. Unity never means uniformity. Every blade of grass, every crystal, every drop of water, like every individual is a little different from the other in its species. So in this idea of synergy, what I think some people get caught up with is this. There’s an idea that we need to be uniform. No, synergy is bringing everything into the center and building something greater, but not diminishing any of the parts. This is the edge of any of you who live in the world of diversity, equity, inclusion, justice and belonging work. This is the edge of growth. Most people think that inclusion is saying, let’s keep the status quo and find a way to invite people into it that are marginalized. Nope, slow down gym shoes. That’s not the way it works. True inclusion is creating a new circle that everyone creates together and then we move forward.
(22:38):
That doesn’t happen quickly. And here’s what it requires. The beginner’s mind acceptance, non-judging, letting go, non-striving, generosity, trust. Ooh, you got to trust some people you don’t like patience, gratitude, forgiveness, and personal responsibility. Anyone hear some spiritual practices in there? Yeah. Okay. Just making sure. This is why we’re here. We’re here to do this work so that we can live a synergistic life. But it’s not one thing to understand or one thing that you do. It is living a life of synergy. It is living a life of spiritual practice. Byron Katie says, the only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. If we’re going to stop arguing with what is, we have to practice these things. There’s so much more that I would love to break down, but here’s the thing that I want to challenge you with. It’s always about practice for me. What are we practicing that’s going to support us living a synergistic life? And today I want to welcome some forgiveness.
(23:56):
Everybody’s body language just shifted. This is the turnaround of turnarounds. If you can forgive yourself first, that’s the most important person because no matter where you go, I don’t care how crazy they make you, you are the one in the room. You’re the one that leaves the room and they’re gone. It’s still you making the crazy. So you need to forgive yourself first, then forgive others. This is the turnaround that allows us to step into awareness that allows us to have some understanding that in compassion and empathy and reconcile our past, our present, and our possible future, and to accept that things may not be the way that we planned it, but there is a greater plan that is coming forward if we’re willing to be in relationship to it and integrate that into our life and then move into synergy.
(24:51):
I know we are focusing on a different book this month, but I was found back to one of the first books in my first couple of years of study the 12 Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Farini, and I want to read to you the four axioms that he offers to close us with today before we go into prayer. Forgiveness is a practice. It’s not something you do once. It’s something that you do every day like brushing your teeth to keep a baseline of awareness so that you can step into a life of synergy. Forgiveness is a practice that you do every day, like brushing your teeth to keep a baseline of consciousness and awareness within you so that you can step into a life of synergy. Forgiveness is a practice that you don’t do once. This is for the people in back and online. Maybe we’re paying attention because you’re still playing some game.
(25:45):
Candy Crush. Put it aside for a minute. Forgiveness is something that you do every single day to cleanse yourself of all the story so that you can have a baseline to step into a life of synergy. The four axioms of forgiveness are first and foremost, forgiveness starts in our own hearts. Only when we have forgiven ourselves can we have forgiveness for others. Number two, forgiveness is not conditional. Even though our practice of it often is, oh, forgiveness is not conditional, even though our practice of it often is. Number three, forgiveness is an ongoing process. It continues in response to every judgment we make about ourselves and others. And number four, every gesture of forgiveness is sufficient. That’s probably the most important axiom that I want you to hear. Every gesture of forgiveness is sufficient and moves you forward into this process of awareness and understanding and reconciliation and acceptance and integration, and into a life of synergy. So let’s practice some forgiveness right now as we bring our talk to a close. Take a deep breath in and bring a hand up to your heart. There is a power and a presence. There is a oneness and a unity to life that has brought us all into this room, that has brought us all onto line.
(27:24):
An awareness of this power and presence is so important to recognize that we are all individual parts of a greater whole and our individuality is not lost by this greater whole. And us being our authentic selves does not compromise anyone else’s wholeness. Why? Because we are always a part of the whole. So if we deny any part of ourselves, we are denying God. If we deny any part of another person, even if we don’t understand them on some level, we are denying God’s presence. So may we come into an awareness that there is one life, one power, one presence that is whole and complete that needs no explanation. It just is. This is my life and your life. Now we are one with it. And from that place of oneness, what I speak in intention and a word around is forgiveness. May we forgive ourselves in all the ways that we try to push some aspect of ourself out of the circle of wholeness. May we forgive ourselves for all the past things that we’ve done, all the past things that we didn’t do. May we forgive ourselves for not being at the point in life that we thought we should be at today. And may we even forgive ourselves into the future for all the fears, worries, doubts and considerations. What I know is that right here and right now, we integrate,
(28:57):
We accept. We reconcile it all. We understand, we move into an awareness through the practice of forgiveness, a willingness to let go and let God be God in this moment as our lives. I’m so grateful for this practice and for this truth, and for this teaching, and for this community. May we step into this day and this week integrating and synergizing everything that has already taken place in what is to come. And so it is.